You May Never Know

Sometimes I’m left

Finding a quiet moment

I reflect on my life

Months gone by

So much has changed

With some constants

I’m here

Alone now

Just thinking

How you never knew

What you meant to me

Just what you did for me

And I sit here

And I wonder

If you’ll ever know

I’m not perfect

My life can be sticky

But sometimes its not

You did something for me

That you may never know

And that strikes me as strange

Because I may never get

The chance to say

Thank you

But I’ll always know

What you did for me

The way you saved me

You Did This

I felt like I was flying

It was familiar

Yet completely new

You gave me wings

I was falling in love

A dream come true

Then you said it

I love you

That was it for me

I wasn’t falling

I hit Earth

And I saw stars

Dreams of you and me

Flashing before my eyes

I couldn’t help it

You gave me hope

So many dreams

So many hopes

All for you and me

But it wasn’t to be

You pulled away

Left me waiting

I tried to hold on

My hopes were drifting

It only took you minutes

To put a stop to us

Leaving me numb

Another new feeling

You left my heart in pieces

I had trouble crying

But the pain was there

Never ending

I’m trying so hard

To understand

But in the end

You did this

Want Me To Say

There are many words I want to say

I want to string them together

And I want to say them to you

But I just don’t know

What you want me to say

There’s so much I could say

I just didn’t know how to say

I didn’t know just what to say

And I needed it to be just right

Because I didn’t know

Now I want to know

It’s more than that

I need to know

In order to move on

I have to know

What do you want me to say?

That I miss you

And I want you here

That I care about you

Or think about you

Then again I could say

That I fell in love

Or it feels that way sometimes

Maybe I did

Maybe I didn’t

But really now,

What do you expect?

Did you think I could just forget?

It’s not easy letting go

And I know that I let myself fall

In a way my pain

Is my fault

Because I chose to feel

I chose to be friends with you

And now I’m hurting

And yet I can’t seem to regret

Any part of the 3 months

Not one day

Not one minute

Not one second

I loved every moment

I enjoyed every bit

I miss it all now

And from time to time

Tears come to my eyes

I wish I could hear your voice

I wish I could say to you

That I want to let go

I want to move on

And I need to say it to you

But I won’t forget

I’ll remember it all

And I’ll know

That I wanted to say

Thank you

Wake Up Call

The alarm sounds, and I know

It’s just another day, time to get ready

Work today, class tomorrow

Busy from one day to the next

Hardly a moment to myself

I can barely think

The music is still playing

As I slip on my clothes

And gather my things

Off it goes as do I

Out to my car

Gone in a flash

Driving down the road

I find myself thinking

Serious thoughts of late

The future and the past

Are on my mind now

Because I find myself wishing

That sleep would claim me again

Just for a moment, a blessed moment

If not for normal dreams then just for one

The only dream I want right now

And that’s easy to figure

I pray for sleep to come again

Just so I can see with clarity

To catch a glimpse of one thing

Something so simple

And yet so unattainable

Singing with the radio

And flipping through the static

Because nothing ever stays in tune

When we’re in the country or the mountains

I’m used to it by now so it’s no bother

Yet it frustrates me sometimes

The music brings peace

What little peace I find

It’s harder when I’m awake

All the hours in the day

There’s at least one minute

When I think of something more

There’s more to life than this

Being awake is not helping me

An eternal kiss, that forever kiss

Might rid me of daydreams

Such distractions from reality

I’m going crazy with my thoughts

That sleep would claim me again

Just for a moment, a blessed moment

If not for normal dreams then just for one

The only dream I want right now

And that’s easy to figure

I pray for sleep to come again

Just so I can see with clarity

To catch a glimpse of one thing

Something so simple

And yet so unattainable

All I want is that dream

It’s what I long for

I feel it with me all day

Every moment that I’m awake

It’s here with me now

And I want to be asleep again

At least with sleep I can live the dream

When I’m awake it’s gone

Chased away by the alarm

Another alarm chases away sleep

Just as it should

Something’s in the air

I can sense it here, now

And I know that sleep holds

Just before dawn it will hold me

My mind will be lost to this dream

A simple dream, so easy

And yet so far away

That sleep would claim me again

Just for a moment, a blessed moment

If not for normal dreams then just for one

The only dream I want right now

And that’s easy to figure

I pray for sleep to come again

Just so I can see with clarity

To catch a glimpse of one thing

Something so simple

And yet so unattainable

Can I make it again?

Each time the alarm sounds

It’s a little harder to leave

Because the dreams are so good

They seem so full of life

More than this life

Here I am

Alone in the morning

Listening to the music

And the crackling

As I drive down that same road

All I can think of is one

That one thing that I long for

It’s the thing I miss the most

It feels like it was so long ago

When I had it here with me

I want a little piece of it back

But I just don’t know how

Then there’s the dream life

That I don’t want to leave

It’s getting harder to leave it behind

When I have so much to live for

That I don’t want to live for

And it’s getting darker here, now

The darkness scares me

I have to cry out

To reach out

Just one hand

Just one word

Help

And I want to be asleep again

If just for that dream

That I can’t seem to reach while I’m awake

It’s running through my mind

I can’t seem to shake it

I just want to feel like me again

Then, all of a sudden

I get word

My cry for help

Actually found you

And I heard back

Speech could not find me

A moment passed

Now I’m finding that

Reality can be ok

I just hope it lasts

Promise me it’ll last

Like nothing does

I don’t want to go back

To wanting sleep

Waiting for sleep

Just so I can see you

And hear you

I want to be awake

Because while I’m awake

Now we can talk

And I have this strange feeling

Of déjà vu

Like I’ve been here before

Thinking of this situation

It comes suddenly

And I still want you here

Even though you’re not

You’re so far away

But talking

Just a little

I feel closer to you again

And I don’t want to lose that

Don’t leave me again

I’m not sure if I could take it

Maybe I could

But I don’t want to find out

Sleep is the last thing

That’s on my mind now

Life can offer so much more

Than dreams

But dreams can shed light

In the end I just want both

Too Much

Sometimes I get to thinking

About all that’s happened in my life

Or just the more recent history

It’s normal to look back

I like to remember the good times

And I know that there was some not so good

But the more I think about all that’s happened

The more I realize that…

I don’t know what’s going on

I can’t really do much

Sometimes I’m just a passenger in my own life

I don’t know how it happened

When I get to thinking like this

That’s when I know

What I don’t know

All I know is that it’s just too much

It can be too much to handle

And it’s too much to think about

All in all I miss the people that were here

The people that aren’t here now

I don’t know when they’ll be back

I don’t know if they’ll be back

But I miss them

And I try not to think too much

I work as much as I can

But work just isn’t enough anymore

Work used to be something I loved

It was something I wanted to be doing

Now I just work so that I don’t think

And I do it just to get by

There are little things that get me through

Just little moments that I can enjoy

I have too much free time

Too much time to think

It’s too quiet now

And I don’t really have anyone to talk to

There used to be someone to talk to

Friends to hang out with

To go out with

Just to be with

But now…

Now it’s so quiet

It’s too quiet

And it gets to be too much

Sometimes it’s just too much

Today

Each and every day is special

There’s something good in everything

We just have to see it

If you want to see the bad

You’ll be able to find it

When you look for it

But why look for the bad,

When there is so much good?

I don’t want to do that

The thing I like about each day

Is that it’s today and

Today holds the same hope as tomorrow

Thump, Thump

The noise is everywhere

Every little thing has a sound

It all leaves a trace

What will you leave behind?

If I were to vanish from this place

I wonder what would be left

Who would I leave?

Days come and go

And there’s leaving to do

Because we can’t stay forever

That’s just not the way

I know that I won’t be here for long

There’s a going that’s coming closer

And as I sit here now I’m left to wonder

What will I leave behind?

Look now

There are footprints

Whether it’s in the earth or in a memory

Listen now

There’s a noise

And it’s here beneath my chest

The beating of a drum

The days that come and go

The people that enter and leave

They all leave a trace

I can feel it all

Every day I go on

Because there’s living left to do

Thump, thump

The beating of the drum

The days that come and go

The people that enter and leave

There’s a trace left on my heart

And it beats on

Three Little Words

There are so many words

And you can end up saying the same thing

In so many different ways

Sometimes you’re trying to say one thing

And it comes out sounding so very different

And it can mean something else entirely

I remember going out

It was back in February

Just a few of us friends

We listened to music

Some of us drank

And we all talked

There were glances

And smiles

It all felt fun

It was nice to go out

Work was so consuming

I needed to get out

It’s a good memory

But there’s something more

It’s like there was something just beneath the surface

Scratch the surface and you’ll find…

Three little words

Dance with me?

Thoughts of You

I’m jazzed

I’ve got this feeling

Like I really know

And I probably don’t

But I like the feeling

Of going in the right direction

I really am this time

I’ve got a clearer picture

And part of that is thanks to a friend

Things are different now

Everything feels quite different

Places and people alike

Months were spent

People became friends

Places became familiar

But now it all feels a little off

And yet something feels right

A new job and new friends

I got to know some people better

And I’ve met some new people

It’s different now

You see,

The thing is…

I met someone

And while I think of you

It’s not what we had

It’s new and it’s different

I don’t know if it’ll last

But I like what I’m feeling

I like how he and I started off

The Quiet

Oh it’s so different now

No one’s around

The phone doesn’t ring

And there’s nothing to do

I get bored out of my mind

And I miss the busyness

I miss that feeling of being crazy

I miss running around all the time

There was so much to do

And I didn’t have much time to myself

It made me cherish my down time

It made me take advantage of time I had with my friends

Now it’s oh so quiet

Sometimes it’s too quiet

And I feel the loneliness creep up

And I know that I miss…

I try not to think about what I miss so much

Well, not the what

It’s the ‘who’

I miss a person

The quiet reminds me

That no one is around

And that one in particular

The best friend I’ve had in a while

I can say that that person…

He was my best friend

The one I could talk to

It felt so easy

And now it’s hard

I know that’s the way it goes

But I miss my friend

The best friend I made since I’ve been home

The quiet gives me time to think

And when I do I think about him

I have to get my thoughts out

So now I’m writing again

I’m glad I’m writing

It’s nice to have the time

And the inspiration

And the quiet helps

So the quiet is both good and bad

It makes me think about the pain

And it gives me a chance

The chance I need to move forward

I can thank the quiet

It won’t last forever

I’ll take it while I can

Because I’ll be happy when it’s over too

The One You Love

Honor them

Trust them

Love them

Try never to hurt them

Be there when they need you

Help them up when they fall

Cry for them

Laugh for them

Care for them

Accept them for who they are

Love them for their faults and virtues

And know when you need to let them go

The Music

I listen to song after song

There’s a beat

But that’s not what I’m hearing

Something else entirely is catching my ear

The words run through me

They fill me with emotion

Each song makes me think

And I remember

I’m remembering lots of things

It’s all coming back to me

I feel the music

It makes me remember

It brings out my feelings

And I’m trying to express them

I have to get them out

I can’t bottle them up anymore

It’s all in the music

The emotion

The feelings

The memories

They’re all there

And it’s freeing

I’m running down the road

And I finally understand things

I hear a song

And it clicks

There’s something in my mind

And I get it

Things in life aren’t easy

They’re not supposed to be

Life is hard

And crazy

But it keeps going

Life goes on

No matter what changes

No matter how hard it gets

We all go on

Just like the music

We move like a rhythm

And we go on with our lives

The Intern

Every girl wants to meet a boy

It’s part of who we are

We want that special connection

We want to feel the spark

Not every girl meets that boy

The spark doesn’t always happen

We don’t realize how rare it is

Until we’ve seen it come and go

They say its better

To have loved and lost

Then to have never

Loved at all

But I’m not so sure

Maybe it’s because I’ve loved

Or maybe it’s because I haven’t

I’m not really sure about that either

What I do know

Is that I found someone

And he was special

Not in that ‘he’s the one’ kind of way

He was just special

Someone I could talk to

Or not talk to

We didn’t have to have that awkward silence

Sometimes it was just silence

No awkward

But now

It’s awkward

Because I don’t know what to say

And I’m not sure what to do

Because he left

And there’s not much I can say

He was a nice guy

A great guy really

Simply put

He was the intern

The Change

It’s amazing how things change.

Change takes one season out and brings a new one in.

The motion makes it all seem a little more worthwhile.

Everything looks so much greater when you see it change.

I stand still for just a moment now.

I look around and see,

I see how different it could be.

I see how much greater it could be.

Do you see it too?

I know we’ve had our chats.

You’ve said that things could change.

You’ve even said that we need change around here.

When I get frustrated I see it too.

Now that the season’s done I can see it clearly.

I’m standing back from it all and

I can see what we can do.

Change.

That’s what we can do.

We could change it all,

And maybe it would change us too.

Change is what we need.

We all need it sometime.

Change is the motion.

Change makes it all look greater.

In the grand scheme of things,

Change is what it’s all about, right?

Because change is making things better,

And it’s what keeps us moving.

So change we must,

And change we will.

Or things will just stay the same,

And I know that you won’t stand for that.

The Calm

Hold on tight

Everything’s so quiet now

It doesn’t feel right

A calm has descended upon us

And I can’t help but think

There’s a storm coming

What will the future bring?

Will things get worse?

Or is there something better?

I hope its better

I believe it will be

The future will be brighter

It won’t always be this calm

There will be a storm or two

And we’ll weather each one

We’ll come out on the other side

We’ll be better off when we do

Each storm will teach us a lesson

The calm before the storm…

It won’t last

Take it while you can

The calm gives us time

It’s an opportunity

To get more done

The storm will come

And it will go

We’ll be left standing

Together we’ll make it

Together we can weather anything

Together we can do so much

The Big Moments

“Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” – John Lennon

Some great writer said that once

I don’t even know who now

And I guess that it doesn’t really matter

No, what matters is that I’ve discovered it too

I made all these plans for my life when I was just a kid

It wasn’t the girly stuff about getting married

Or the perfect romance

No, I made plans for my future

Then I had to throw out all those plans

Because my plans didn’t turn out the way I thought

Life doesn’t always turn out the way you think

Or at least it doesn’t happen according to plan

When I think about it

I guess that’s what it’s all about

It’s the learning

And the experiencing

All the plans in the world

Can’t prepare you

For what you’ll encounter

When life comes at you

It comes when you least expect it

It’s like finding something when you stop looking for it

Well, I certainly found my life when I stopped looking

And I found so much more

I found more than friends

I found more than a job

I found a family

I found a career

And I know that the big moments…

They matter, but there’s so much more

Because you really can’t plan it all

And even if you do

Life doesn’t fit into any box you shape for it

The Anchor

We grow

We drift

We move

And still…

I come back

To one thing

One person

My anchor

I wish

I hope

I cry

And still…

Love goes on

Life goes on

We move on

Somehow

Sweet Dreams

And tonight it hit me
I felt it all over again
As if the first time
Wouldn't be enough

Tonight I felt it
Once again
Speechless
Breathless

It was like before
Just a little less
But it still hurt
Just like the first time

I promised myself
No more tears
So I didn't cry
Not this time

All this time
And you're still gone
But to me
You're still here

I can hear you
I can see you
I can feel you
Sweet dreams

Sunshine

Look up

There are skies of gray

It’s quite dismal

A dreary feeling comes over me

Look around

Everything is in shadow

It makes me feel so cold

I felt gray for so long

And then something changed

There was a decision to be made

After all the gray days

I finally looked up again

And what I saw was something else

The skies may have still held gray

There were still clouds and shadows

It still felt cold

But something changed inside of me

I’m looking up now

And what I see is beautiful

There’s sunshine in my sky

I look around

Everything looks different

It’s brighter

And warmth spreads through me

Things changed for me

I felt happier

I felt like I was doing something right

What I was doing mattered

And more importantly it mattered to me

I liked what I was doing

Now I feel like I have a purpose

I finally know what I want to do

It was always changing

But now I really know

Sometimes I see the sunshine

And sometimes I see skies of gray

It changes from time to time

But I have hope

I know that I’ll see my sunshine again

It may not happen today

And I may not see it tomorrow

But one day I’ll see my sunshine again

Still

There’s a reason

Behind every little thing

Sometimes it’s a comfort

To know just that

The years have taught me

So much for being a kid now

I smile at the thought

Because I’m all grown up

I’m on my own

But I still have help

When I call

They’ll be there

All the lessons that I’ve learned

Both big and small

I can look back now

And really see them

There’s so much more

The lessons to come

Will help me grow

Because I’m still growing up

My heart is still tender

From when that door

Shut before my eyes

It still gets to me

And I know

That in my life

There are lessons

Of life and love

Here I stand

In all my glory

No matter what

I’m still standing

I lay my heart on the line

It’s worth the risk

Because in the end

I’m still a girl

A girl that wants

Her dream come true

A girl that needs

Someone to be her friend

Spring

It’s only March

Spring is just days away

Yet I’m anxious for it

April showers

Bringing May flowers

I find myself hoping

A season full of hope

New beginnings spring up

I’ll have one of those, please

So much has happened

Over the course of 1 year

365 days seems so long

Days pass into weeks

Weeks pass into months

The months turned into a year

A memory never faded

One thing in the forefront

Dreams left intact

I did this and that

I saw movies

Even went on a date

But I’m still thinking

Only of you

You’re the only one

There’s no one else

Not in the course of a year

Could I have found another like you

You walked into my life

Gave me your friendship

Touched my heart

These feelings

I don’t understand

How…

My words fail me

But I wonder

Can we start over?

Is it too late for that?

Can’t I still dream?

Of what might have been

Sometimes

There are so many words

We use them all to say so much

But sometimes I wonder

Do we mean what we say?

I can say I love you

I could say I miss you

I could say a hundred things to you

And you still wouldn’t be here with me

Truth is I don’t know

What is here

And what isn’t

All I know is that I care

I can’t use words for this

I need to show you

But how do I show you

When you aren’t here

Soft Spot

Everyone has something

Each and every one of us

There’s a thing, or two,

That can win us over

Sure I love to read a good book

And I like to go out to the movies

Good food is a must for this girl

But I know one thing that can really get me

Ah, now it’s just up to me

Should I really share?

Cause I don’t have to

I could easily keep it to myself

Do you know my favorite color?

Ok, so it’s purple.

But that’s not the way to my heart

No, there’s something else

I guess I could tell you

I really could say it

But that would just take away all the fun

Because it’s so much fun to draw it out

Pasta is probably my favorite food

I love cats

I like dogs too

I like just about any animal really

A hike or a walk

Or maybe going for a swim

I enjoy running too

Because it’s all outdoorsy stuff

But all in all

There’s something else

That can win me over

It’s as simple a thing as, laughter

Just make me laugh

You’ll be in my heart

And my good graces

For years to come

Well… there is something else that’s a plus

Fun and kids

Ok, so that’s two things, but still

I love to have fun

And if you don’t really like kids

That would be a big turnoff

There’s something incredibly sexy

About seeing a guy with kids

Nothing gross or abnormal

Just a simple gesture to help a kid out

Or taking the time to play a game with a kid

So, yeah… now you have a few things

J

Shattered

I had these visions of something bad happening

And when I thought it was all going horribly wrong

I thought of you

I wanted to call you

But I didn’t

When nothing was wrong

When nothing was happening

I thought of you

I missed you

And all I wanted to do was talk

So I tried to keep in touch

I really tried

But I didn’t hear from you

I heard back from someone else entirely

And now I know

It’s hard to let go

But I have to do what I have to do

I have a life to live

It’s my life to live

And I have to let go of you

We were just friends

It’s as simple as that

I never wanted to ruin that

That’s why I never pushed for more

So now I’m losing a friend

I don’t know if it will be forever

I don’t suppose anything is

But I’m angry

And I’m disappointed

And I feel like my world is shattered

I thought you were stronger

I thought you would stand up for yourself

I thought you cared about your friends

And the way you’re just giving up

Shatters what I thought of you

Maybe it’s my fault for not realizing who you really were

Or making you into some ideal

But I just thought you were a good person

And now I’m seeing someone else entirely

And it makes it easier to let go of the friend I had

You’re not who I thought you were

The friend I had is gone

Far from here

Far from sight

The friend I had doesn’t seem to exist anymore

Somehow a part of me knew

I had this little voice that said you wouldn’t come back

Or that I’d be ok with it

And so it doesn’t hurt right now

And for that I’m grateful

I’m done with the hurting

For now I’m just angry

And I’m disappointed

And I’ll go on that way for a little longer

I know it’ll pass

All I can do now is wonder

I wonder if you’ll come back

Or if you’ll even call

I wonder if you care

But I won’t think about it too much now

Seeing Red

How could you?

I believed in you

I thought you were better than this

You were different before

I knew a different person

I was friends with someone else

It’s clear to me now

That you’re not the same

No, you’re someone else now

It’s sad really

Because I missed you

But now I don’t so much

I don’t really miss you

I miss who you were

I miss the friend that I had

And since you’re not him

I don’t miss you

And I don’t want you back here

I know I care

I really do

And I’m angry

That’s how I know

Because I’m angry

But not with her

I know you love her

And that’s ok

Because all I wanted was a friend

I never asked for more

I never really wanted more

But I don’t have that now

That’s not her fault

She’s not to blame

And it’s not my fault

It’s yours

You let it go

You let it all slip away

It makes me so angry

That you would let it go

That you would watch it slip away

I don’t think you see it now

You don’t realize what you had

I hope you do

Maybe when you finally see it

Maybe then you’ll make the effort

Maybe then you’ll really be sorry

I’m just afraid

That when you see it

It’ll be too late

We could still be friends

There’s a possibility

But I just don’t know

Because sadly

I don’t trust you

You’re not who I thought you were

See You Later

In the beginning everything looked so far away

Now I’m looking back at the last few months

And they’ve passed by so quickly

How did they get away from us?

Here I am wondering if I’ll see you again

All I know is that the times I spent with you,

Were some of the best of my life so far.

In you I found a friend and so much more.

When the months were coming to a close

I started to think of a way to say good bye

I needed to say thank you for all that you did

And the good bye… was something else

How do you say good bye to a best friend?

What do you do when you don’t know what’s coming?

Well, I guess you never know what’s really coming.

And that’s the point of life in a sense.

Now I’m remembering the last few days

And tears come to my eyes

Because I miss having my friend around

I miss knowing that you were close.

It’s hard to go back to where we’ve been

And not see the same familiar face

Nearly every day for three months

I saw your face, heard your voice

The way it feels now to go back

To those familiar places

And not see you or hear you…

It feels so strange

When I came to say good bye,

You told me not to

Because it wasn’t good bye

It’s ‘See You Later’

Secret Indulgence

I’m just a girl

I guess we’re all just something

And we all have our secrets

There are things I don’t share easily

It’s hard for me to talk about my feelings

And there’s so much that goes on at home

Sometimes it all comes down on me

And I have to let it all out

Because it gets too bottled up

Then there are a few things that help

Everyone has something that makes them feel better

For me I know of a few things

One thing that’ll take my mind off of drama

Simply take me out

Make me get out and have some fun

Well it wouldn’t be easy to make me have fun

But once you get me out

The rest is a piece of cake

Ice cream is a definite comfort food

I don’t think there’s anything like it

If I have a sweet tooth I go for Ben & Jerry’s

There’s almost got to be something wrong

If I don’t go for ice cream

But that’s just an indulgence

There’s more to cheering me up than comfort food

Laughter is key

Put a smile on my face

Just get me to laugh

And slowly

Everything else will melt away

Saint

Songs echo in my mind

Each one resonates

In some small way

And I look back

The last two years

Gone by so fast

Barely a trace

But for my memory

Not so long ago

I felt so lost

Things just weren’t

What I thought they’d be

That lost feeling

It stays with you

Confining

Drowning

More than once

I came to tears

Emotions bottled

Clawing for release

Before I knew

What was happening

I’d turned round

A bend in the road

There stood

An opportunity

And a saint

I didn’t even know

What lay before me

Was an unseen path

Something only dreamed of

But it was real

I had a chance

And I took it

Without a second glance

Now I know why

Everything happens for a reason

Mine was destiny

A life

And a guiding hand

Some things are just meant to be

Some people don’t stay

But with a glance

Over my shoulder

He came and he went

Truth and words unspoken

Hope and shattered dreams

Now I know

I can still see

A mirage

A glimpse

Of my saint

Return to Me

Take me there

Have me learn

So that I may leave

And come back to you

Leave me today

You cannot take me with you

But in your heart I may rest

Waiting for you to return to me

There is so much to do

That cannot be done now

It must be done though

But not until we leave this place

Go your way

I’ll go mine

With you in my heart

Let me come back to you

As we gain

What we need

By being apart

Return to me

I don’t want to stay

Away means less

You mean more

Return to me

The journey we take

Will bring us here

It took us there

Can it take us back?

This is no place

For me or you

Apart is not the way

I’ll be coming back to you

Pretending

I’m going out

Putting it all on

The little top

The mini skirt

Get all dolled up

Looking good

Its primetime

I shut the door

Walk to the car

Drive to the club

Sharing drinks

Dancing the night away

He comes up behind me

Hands on my hips

Song after song

So close

Don’t turn around

No looking

Just dancing

Nothing more

Because I close my eyes

And you’re here

It’s your hands

It’s you behind me

I see your face

I can hear your voice

Whispering in my ear

Don’t let it end

Tell me this isn’t wrong

Tell me you’re feeling it too

Tell me I’m not alone

Tell me you’re here with me

When I open my eyes

Look at the time

I’ve got to go

Grab my friends

Running down the street

Shaking me head

Pushing away the feelings

It wasn’t real

Back on the metro

I forget about the dream

No more pretending

Reality bites

Only One

Actions speak louder than words

So when I say I’m moving on

It doesn’t mean I have

One word says so much

One slight says so much more

But both can hurt

Only one made my heart skip

Only one made my breath catch

The only one to make me cry

Off

He touches me

It’s not right

It shouldn’t be

A little pat there

A little tap there

All of it unwanted

Tell me it’s ok

Tell him to stop

But you did

I know it’s not

And he didn’t

How does it end?

I’ve spoken

Yet it goes on

When will it stop?

I don’t know,

What comes next

What will we do?

Number 9

Phones are important

Or at least we think they are

They seem so necessary

In today’s world

Many of us think we can’t survive without one

I don’t think that’s really true though

If we really wanted to we could go back

We could live without cell phones

But the point here isn’t about that

It’s about my phone

And others

We all know

Well, we should all know

About a little thing called speed dial

I have people programmed in my cell

It’s really quite simple to do

The hard part comes with the choice

Where do I put him?

Or where do I put her?

That’s what this is really about

All about a boy

I put him in my phone

At first he was a nobody to me

Then he was a somebody

He wasn’t just a somebody either

He was somebody important

So I had to get a ring for him

And a number

There was a choice

I had to move someone else

I don’t even remember who I moved

But he became a number on my list

Then he left

And the more I tried to forget

It just didn’t work

So I had to take him out

I had to move someone else up again

I don’t even know who I moved

But it was someone

Someone took number 9

Not Likely

If you’re looking for me

You should know where to look

Because there are places

Where I’m not likely to be found

You can check the mall

But I’m not likely there

You can look at the local hot spot

I might be there

If I am, will you know me?

I’m not likely to be found

Wearing the halter and mini skirt

I’m probably wearing jeans and a tank

I’m more likely to wear flats

Than a pair of heels

I like to wear jeans

More than dresses or skirts

You know

I could be out of town

Maybe at the beach

Or visiting friends

I might even go hiking

And I like camping

I tend to be a workaholic

Even though I’m a student

I’m not great at studying

Procrastinating comes naturally

And I spend too much time on the net

When I should be doing other things

So I think we’ve established

Where I might be

What I might be doing

And what I might be wearing

I wonder if you’ll ever find me

If you’ll ever notice me

Because I’m not likely

To be like any other girl you know

No Goodbye

It all began with a ride

And I think back

And wonder what I was thinking

Where did my senses go?

My lips curl at the thought

Of riding in the car with a boy

But this was no simple matter

Or was it?

The beginning was so simple

Yet it got so complicated

Life gets messy

When it comes to the heart

That’s just what happened

I let my heart get involved

My senses left me

I shouldn't have

But I did

And now it’s done

I can’t go back

I’m not sure if I want to

There was no goodbye

Just a time to go

And the simple words of hope

See you later

I don’t want to hear them now

Or ever again

Why couldn't it have been?

Goodbyes aren't that hard

It would have been easier than this

But I’m left with this

Because I was left behind

Here I am

My thoughts surround me

The memories take my mind

Silence remains for now

As I think to myself

I’m left here

With an unspoken goodbye

And I wish it had been said

It would be easier for me now

If only you’d said goodbye

But you didn't

Because it was too hard

All you could say was ‘See you later’

Night Falls

Simple pleasures in life

Make me oh so happy

It’s those simple things

That I miss the most

Night falls

And I long to see the stars twinkle

I missed them while I was away

Being in the city I couldn’t see them

Night falls

And I long to hear the crickets chirping

They’re music to my ears

A lullaby sung by mother nature

Night falls

And I long to smile at the cows mooing

A small smile at the sound of them

Because it’s funny to hear them talking late at night

Simple and small

But they mean so much

To a small town girl

Who’s been away far too long

New Direction

Life carries so much

Needs and wants

Love and hate

War and peace

Work and play

Life and death

It’s all part of life

The circle of life

The direction we take

We choose our own path

No one does it for us

It’s called will power

If you have the will

There is a way

Or so someone once said

You can laugh it off

Or not

But you have a choice

I have the same choice

When it comes down

To wanting change

We have the power to change

We are the change

Be the change

I hate when I mope

I hate when I think too much

About the bad things

About the negative

Sometimes it’s inevitable

But I’m the one who does it

It’s almost as if…

As if I want the pain

And the heartache

That comes along with it

Because I continue

But now I’m stopping

I keep telling myself that

And I wonder

When will I really stop?

When will I move on?

When will I find someone,

Who really wants me for me?

My Way

They keep spinning my head

Guilt trips and little rules

But I’m tired of living like that

It’s just pissing me off

You may think I’m spoiled

But I don’t

I just know what I want

This isn’t it

The tables are spinning

Who will gain control

I have to live by my rules

It has to be my way now

I don’t want to push

That’s not my way

Go your way

I’ll go mine

I can do this alone

I will stand alone

But I don’t want to

I want you by my side

Don’t push me away

I’m not asking for much

This isn’t my way

No, it’s really not

Because…

The tables are spinning

The blood is pumping

My head is rushing

Who will gain control

I have to live by my rules

It has to be my way now

I’m not kicking you to the curb

That’s not what I want

Everyone else gets their turn

They have what they want

When is it my turn

You can’t say it’s not my turn

Life’s not fair

You don’t get your way

That’s not how it goes

Want what you have

Well, I do

Life I grand

Things are great

Oh so lovely in fact

But this isn’t my way

It’s not what I want

If I had my way

I know how it would be

It’s quite simple really

You’d be here

Standing beside me

That’s all I want

Don’t you see that

It’s staring you in the face

You are my way

You’re all I want

You’re all I see

So tell me…

When the tables stop spinning

Where will you stand

Who will have their way

How will it look

When I open my eyes

You are my way

You’re all I want

You’re all I see

Don’t tell me

I can’t have my way

My Pain

Some days are painful

Most days it’s just a little ache

But some days…

I don’t know how to move

It feels like I can’t breathe

The tears stream down my cheeks

My vision goes blurry

Something catches in my throat

And I don’t know what to do

It’s not like me to feel dark

I’m not an unhappy person

I can remember the days when I was always happy

That’s how people saw me

I smiled in the halls

I tried to be friends with everyone

And I was busy

I was the girl that stood up for others

Even if I didn’t like them

I didn’t know how to say no

Mostly because I wanted to please everyone

But at home it was different

I sat alone

I never really went out

And I didn’t talk on the phone much

I learned how to say no

And I went out more

But it hurt when I thought people didn’t like me

It took me a while to realize that it was their loss

I know what it feels like to fall

I love all my friends

But with some I wanted more

It never happened

I’m okay with that too

But one time changed all the others

And that’s what hurt the most

Life is a rollercoaster

There are ups and downs

And there are things in life that hurt

After a year and a half of some serious downs

I finally started climbing up

It felt like I was climbing higher and higher

I was happier than I had felt in a long time

I had a job I loved

And friends I loved even more

Somehow I didn’t think it would end

I knew it would

It had to end

But a part of me held out some hope that it would go on

I finally descended

It wasn’t a crash landing

I’m grateful for that

I transitioned into something else

It’s a familiar job

But I don’t like really like it

And I don’t have my friends

That’s what hurt the most

Some were always coming and going

And although I miss them,

That’s not what hurts

It’s that one person I miss the most

The one I thought would still be here

The one that became the best friend

Someone to talk to

To hang out with

To go out with

To party with

It’s my fault really

I knew it would end

I’d fallen before

But this time I hit hard

Not in the sense of butterflies and love

This was different

The first few days were the hardest

That’s when the slightest memory

The tiniest glance back to what was gone

It brought it all forward

All the feelings I didn’t want to feel

That’s when I stood still

When I gasped for air

I wiped at the tears flooding my eyes

My vision blurred

Something caught in my throat

I didn’t know what to do

It still hurts

But it’s healing now

I’m trying to look forward

Right now there isn’t much

I’m biding my time until there is

Something will come along

I have faith in that

And my pain is ebbing away

Day by day it grows less

My Heart

Here lies my heart

I have nothing more

This is all I own

Now I give it to you

Please protect it

Keep it from harm

This is all I ask

Don’t say a word

I did not ask for this

No one asked me

Yet here we are

My heart on my sleeve

My Boys

Years go by

I haven’t seen them

I barely got to know them

But I love them more and more

Then a chance comes upon us

I grab it for all it’s worth

Dinner one night

A birthday party

Even the summer festival

Fun was had by all

And I slowly feel

More and more

For these two boys

I realize just how special they are

I’m really getting to know them

One day they come to work with me

They come home with me for pizza and a movie

And they spend the night

Quietly I watch them sleep

Soft music playing

Just like when I was a kid

I see so much of me in them

Tears come to my eyes

Some small pleasure in my life

Just watching these two boys sleep

As I’m studying for a biology exam

And I know that I love my boys