Incredible

I feel so incredibly lucky

And I’ll tell you just why

I’m lucky because I found him

I found a friend in him

Just an ordinary guy

That I had the chance to meet

I got to know him and now

I’m so incredibly grateful

I have this great friend

And he’s incredible

I’ve only known him a little while

But it feels like so much longer

He’s this incredible guy

Who I can talk with

And laugh with

And play with

And just be quiet with

I’ve never had all this with a guy

And I don’t want to give it up quite yet

But I know that my time is up

I can’t believe the time went by so quick

But I still feel incredibly fortunate

To have gotten to know a guy like him

In Your Absence

I never really believed

That you wouldn’t be here

I kept telling myself

That you would stick around

Eventually I had to face the facts

You were really leaving

I found a way to say

What I needed to say

A little card and a small gift

Was my way to say goodbye

Goodbyes are a way of life

We all have to say them sometime

I just don’t like saying them

And you had a way

So that we didn’t really have to

You had a way with words

Instead of saying goodbye

We said ‘See You Later’

So I’m moving on

Because you’re not here

And I can’t live my life

As if you were

It’s hard without you

I wish you were here

But I’ll keep moving on

I’ll keep my chin up

That’s all I can do

For now at least

It’s getting easier

To go on in your absence

In the Beginning

When it all started I didn’t think twice

I had my interview

I took the job

Never knowing what would happen

How could I know?

I showed up for lessons

And I came to training

I ran into friends

And I made new ones

My life was changing before my very eyes.

Day by day I fell in love

I had this opportunity

To do what I wanted to do

To work with kids and be active

There was so much to learn.

I left school

I didn’t know what to expect

But I loved it all

Even the crazy parts

I always loved learning and the teaching.

Every part of this experience taught me

And I got to teach others too

It was something I’ll never forget

I had the time of my life

I took so much.

What did I give back?

Sometimes I wonder about that

But in the end it doesn’t really matter

Because it all came together

Everything went so well.

This job changed my life

I got my focus back

I had so much fun

And I learned so much

It was amazing.

I Wish...

I could wake up beside you

Sharing the covers

Cuddling next to your warmth

And wishing I could stay in bed all day

I could make you breakfast in bed

One of those big egg sandwiches

The kind we both like

And fresh brewed coffee

I could surprise you at work

Bringing you lunch

Or just dropping by to say hi

Because I can’t stand to be away all day

I could cheer you up

When you’re cranky

When you’re sad

Or feeling under the weather

I could come home to you

After a hard day

After a good day

And just fall into your arms

I could sit down to dinner with you

Where we could talk

But be perfectly content in silence

Even though we have so much to say

I could snuggle with you on the couch

To watch TV or a movie

To sit and read

Just to be with you

I could climb into your bed

When I come home late

After dinner

As a surprise

I could lay awake without you

Because I can’t sleep

When you’re not next to me

Without your steady breathing

I could sleep beside you

Peacefully

Restfully

Comfortably

I could call you at 3 am

When I’m scared

Because I miss you

Just to hear your voice

I could see you right now

Walk through that door and hear you

Turn the corner and see you there

No warning, no preparation, just you

I could hug you

Tell you that I miss you

Tell you that I want you here

Because I don’t know how to go on

I could reach you

Just to talk

Just to get a piece of us back

Because I don’t have my best friend

Holding Back

“I’ve had practice,” I told her.

Another day passes by and

It makes me wonder

Should I continue as I’ve been?

I did it once.

Heck, I think I’ve done it twice.

And still I haven’t really talked about it.

I haven’t thought about it this much until now.

This time, right now is when I begin to question

Whether or not I should stop what I’m doing

Because I’m doing it to myself

And to the other person

It takes energy and hard work

Both of those I have,

But wouldn’t they be better used

If I just didn’t hold back

I’m holding myself back

I don’t get what I want to have

Maybe I’m just being stubborn,

Or maybe I just want to feel sorry for myself

In the end holding back isn’t the answer

It’s no answer at all

I’ll never know what could have been

Which is sad, to say the least

So do I decide to let myself go this time?

Or do I wait until the next time I decide?

Because if I don’t take that step now,

There will be a next time I hold back

Hold on Tight

There’s so much to see

There’s so much to do

The world is full of possibility

There’s so much I want to see

There’s so much I want to do

I see so much ahead of me

There’s so much I’ve seen

There’s so much I’ve done

I can see all that is behind me

Don’t look back

Don’t go back

Look ahead

Move forward

All the places I want to see

All the things I want to do

Maybe one day I’ll have done them all

Here I sit

And I know now

That there is so much that has to be…

I had to see it

I had to do it

I had to go through it all

I know now

If I hadn’t seen it, done it

I wouldn’t be who I am today

So here I am

I give myself freely

I’m not trying to be anything but me

Life can suck

People can suck

It’s all hard sometimes

Life can be beautiful

People can be wonderful

It’s all good sometimes

Life is a miraculous thing

It moves

And it changes

Its one thing

And it’s the other

And sometimes it’s something in between

Tears are shed

Some in joy

Some in sorrow

All in all

Life is miraculous

And you have to hold on tight

Because it’s all one big ride

You’ll get through it one step at a time

Just hold on tight and you’ll get through it

Hero

There are times

When I fall down

Sometimes I even cry

I make mistakes

I get things wrong

And I get back up

But I don’t need a hero

I don’t want someone

To pick up the pieces

There are times

When I am weak

And I feel like I can’t go on

I can crumble

My life will be in shambles

It happens to the best of us

But I don’t want you

To be my hero

I want you to be my friend

When I fall down

When I cry

When mistakes are made

I want you to listen

I want to lean on you

I want you to be here

When things go wrong

When I crumble

When my life is in shambles

I want you to help me

I want you to stand beside me

I want you to share it with me

Because I don’t need a hero

I don’t need someone to save me

All I need is a friend

Hating You

I hate that you left me waiting

I hate that you make me feel bad

I hate that I fell in love with you

I hate that you broke your promises

I hate that I wanted to wait

I hate that you lost my trust

I hate that I believed in us

I hate the idea of giving up

I hate that I don’t hate you

I hate that I can’t hate you

Harder

There are things in this world that aren’t easy

Most of life isn’t easy

But the things that are hard

End up meaning so much more

There are things that are hard to do

Facing your fears is never easy

Making a big decision takes a lot of thought

Working isn’t always fun and easy either

If you’re lucky you’ll have easy days

And if you have more easy than hard

And you’re having fun

Then you’re really lucky

There are things that are hard to say

Some words are harder than others

Sometimes it’s the situation

Or maybe it’s the person

Whether it’s the person or the situation

You have to come to a conclusion

There comes a point

When you have to figure it out

Can you trust the person?

Can you even trust yourself?

Are you happy?

Or are you miserable?

If you’re not happy

The hardest decision can be

Knowing when to back away

Knowing when to stop

Sometimes it feels easier to give up

Some people think it’s the easy way out

But sometimes it’s time to give up

Sometimes leaving is harder than you think

Hard to Say

One word can be so hard to say

Who knew this would be so hard

I didn’t expect that at all

I got 3 little words instead of 1

Why was ‘see you later’

So much easier than goodbye

But it was easier,

Wasn’t it?

When you left I found

It was hard to say your name

I had to try to be happy

Even though I felt miserable

Months gone by and I found

That I could be happy again

Not all the time but

Sometimes it wasn’t so bad

Memories of you and me

Are still racing through my mind

The way you made me smile

Or how right it all felt

Now I find myself living

I’m in a life too quiet

For my liking but I’m living

And remembering you

I find it hard to say

Three little words to you

I don’t know how to say

I miss you

Happy Ending

Looking over my shoulder

Always looking

Forever wondering

Where is he?

Seeing my friends

Seemingly happy

Mostly paired off

Is that not for me?

Standing alone

Seemingly happy

Somewhat content

Where is he?

Bottling it up

So much to say

Words left unspoken

Is this what’s left?

People come

Then they go

Life is here to live

Is there more than this?

Some people dream

Of love

And happily ever after

Where’s my happy ending?

Hang Up

I thought you were

Someone to me

A little more

Than this

Maybe I’m a dreamer

But I thought

That’s what you were too

I could have been wrong

True colors shine

In brief moments

Of truth and clarity

I want you

There’s just one thing

I haven’t moved on

Because I’m stuck on you

With this hang up

I have no clue

What I’m supposed to do

Left alone

In my hour of need

Phone calls and texts

Just aren’t enough

Yet I’m still hanging

Beyond reason

I don’t know what to say

Confusion overrides

Overflow of doubts

With this little hang up

Maybe it’s time

To let it all go

Make the last call

And hang up on you

Gullible

I’d like to make a request of you

It’s really quite simple

Well, I guess that all depends

Because I suppose not everyone could do it

Some wouldn’t be bothered by it

But I’m hoping that it’s not a bother

You see now

My simple request is just this

Mean what you say to me because…

If you tell me you like me

I’m gonna believe you

If you tell me that you care

I’m gonna believe you

If you tell me you love me

I’m gonna believe you

And I don’t want to get hurt

Just because I believed you

I want to believe you when you say those things

So please don’t say it if you don’t mean it

The signals get mixed up

And we both get confused

It could have been infatuation

But I think it was just chemistry

We were just friends

I don’t want to get hurt

I know that I will

We all get hurt sometime

Life hurts

People hurt

And hearts get broken

Growing Up

We’re all growing up so fast

It’s kind of sad really

But I know we’ll remain friends

You can see the changes

It’s the way we act

What we say

The clothes we wear

The decisions we make

And what we do

It all changes

From time to time

But no matter what comes our way

Friends we will be… forever

Goodbye

I said goodbye

I tried to let go

But it didn’t help

You’re still here

Haunting me

Hurting me

Everywhere I go

You’re there

Because I can’t

I can’t let go of you

I can’t forget you

And I don’t want to

What I want is you

Loving me

Holding me

Tell me it’s ok

That we’ll be ok

That this isn’t over

I don’t want it to be over

I don’t want to say goodbye

I don’t want to let go

So I’m not

I’m still holding on

And taking back my goodbye

Gone Baby Gone

Two months later

Shock wears off

Questioning my reality

Out of body feeling

Jolted back

Harsh light of day

No more pretending

This is my reality

Stuck between

The smile and the frown

Trying to go on

Struggling every day

Just want it to stop

Just let me stop

Even for a moment

A little reprieve

Because this is my life

It’s hard

Its every day

It’s never-ending

Nothing left to do

But go on living

Sometimes I don’t want to

Tell me that it’s wrong

There’s nothing left

But papers

And memories

Of days gone by

It’s all because of you

Because you’re not here

Because I miss you

Because I love you

My baby’s gone

And he was mine

From the day he came home

He was mine

My best friend

My confidante

My fighter

My playmate

Now I feel so lost

Standing alone

Talking to myself

Gone baby gone

Go Ahead

Go ahead

Take this

Take that

Just leave me

My sanity

Go ahead

Give me this

Give me that

Just leave me

My mind

Didn’t even know…

That I would be here

How did I get here?

I feel…

Like I’ve been here before

Don’t you know

What you did to me

You left me here

I didn’t want this…

To come here

I was happy

Before I was here

When we were

Anywhere but here

You brought me here

Of all the places

I never thought

I’d end up here

Without

My sanity

Girl

There are the good ones

And there are the bad

Which am I?

Some want diamonds

And pretty little things

A symbol of love given

This girl is one of a kind

This girl is no cliché

What does she want?

No diamonds

No symbols

Completely original

She wants one of a kind

Something new

Someone exciting

There’s no fairytale

No Prince Charming

She’s no princess

A simple girl

Wanting to fall

Over and over

She’s independent

Daring

Classic

This isn’t the time for heroes

She doesn’t want one

She doesn’t need one

All she wants is a friend

And a life to call her own

Here she is

Get Out

You’re running through my mind

I can’t seem to shake these thoughts

Every time I close my eyes

There’s a chance I’ll see you

Behind these lids I close

So that I won’t see you

Standing right in front of me

Because you’re no longer here

I know you’re gone

But I can’t seem to let go

I want to so bad

But something’s holding on

There’s something keeping me

From letting go

Tell me it’s wrong

Tell me there’s no hope

There’s got to be a way

I have to find a way

To forget it all

The smiles

The looks

The things I saw

And heard

And felt

Your face is here again

Right before my very eyes

I see your image

Happy and smiling

Making me smile

And it gets to me

Crawling beneath my skin

And clawing deeper into my soul

It doesn’t make any sense

How something so innocent

Turned into all of this

My head is spinning

My stomach is clenching

And my heart is aching

I’m done with that now

No more tears will be shed

I keep trying to forget

But it’s just not working

Because I see you

When I turn a corner

Or revisit a haunt

Or just close my eyes

You surround me

Until I realize the fantasy

Distractions work for a while

Opening the computer

I toy with the internet

My profile page

I think of you and pause

Just long enough

To see my pictures

Slide over the screen

A moment passes

Before I lose my cool

Because I see you there

As a reminder

Of happier times

I want to be happier now

But for that to happen

You have to get out

This can’t keep happening

I can’t continue this way

It’s not working for me

My life has to go on

I know this and yet

You’re still here

Invading my thoughts

Why can’t you get out?

I just want you out

So I can go back

To something else

A normal feeling

No more pain

No more hurt

No more emptiness

But I can’t forget

Get out of my head

Leave me be

Please

I’m pleading now

Just go

I don’t need you here

But I can’t say

That I don’t want you

Frustrated

Life is complicated

It’s as simple as that

Life is contradictory

It’s as frustrating as that

Everything happens for a reason

Yeah right

It doesn’t always feel like it

But maybe, just maybe, eventually it will

Time will tell

And it will heal

My heart’s not broken

I don’t suppose I cared enough for that

But I can feel a tear

Sometimes it hurts

It used to hurt more

The first few days were painful

Time began to heal it though

I suppose time will bring the reason closer

Why did it all happen?

It’s so frustrating now

I look back and I see

There were good times

We had so many good times

And now they’re gone

Those good times are in the past

It doesn’t feel good now

And I don’t know why

I can’t figure out why I’m not so happy now

Am I holding myself back?

Or is there some greater purpose?

Maybe there’s a reason

Maybe one day I’ll understand

I hope one day comes soon

Because right now it’s just so frustrating

Forever

Nothing lasts forever

Life is fragile

Every life is fragile

Each one of us will pass

Our lives will be extinguished

One way or another

It’s a dismal outlook

But it’s the truth

That’s how it has to be

Or does it?

Maybe there is something

Life may go on

Some little piece of us is carried through

We get to have our memories

Everyone gets to make them

And people may remember us

Each of us has a chance

To make something of ourselves

And to leave something behind

Something that could last forever

For You

I’m always thinking of you

You are a part of me

And I am a part of you

Blood is thicker than wine after all

Every decision that you make

Will affect me some way

Whether you want it to or not

That’s just the way it goes

Walking side by side

Growing up together

Every day of your life

I tried to watch out for you

Life wasn’t easy

It never is

There’s so much going on

And you’re all grown up now

I’m still here though

Just as I always will be

Yet to me you’ll always be

My little brother

I’ll always be here

I’ll always love you

No matter what you do

Nothing can change that

Footprints

One step here

Two steps there

A glance over my shoulder

And I keep walking forward

I’m not sure where I’m going just yet

But I know I’m headed somewhere

I’ll change my mind again

There will be another bend in the road

Years ago I thought I knew

I had this perfect image

And I just knew I’d make it happen

But now I know that it wasn’t meant to be

Life has changed so much

I’ve changed a lot over the years

I guess we all do

And my mind has bounced around

I thought I knew a few times

But still something would happen

And I would change my mind

So here I am

Once again

I think I know

Maybe this is it

Because it really feels like it

It might get tweaked

But it feels so right now

I feel like my road is a little more…

Definite

There have been people ahead of me

Friends who have helped me choose

People in my life that showed me

Just how much fun it could be

In a way I’m following their footsteps

I know that but…

There’s something different too

Because I’m making my own footprints

Escape

Wrap your arms around me

Be my safe haven

Chase away the bad dreams

Keep the tears at bay

Because my mind is racing

And it just won’t stop

The nightmares come and go

But I’m always thinking

I wish it was me

The pain is here to stay

It’s just the way I live now

All the days of my life

Lead me from this place

Take the pain away

Let me by myself again

Make me believe again

Give me hope again

Show me how to live again

Because I’m left wondering

How do I go on without him

He was just a baby to me

My baby, the one I took care of

And I can’t ever forget that

It’s a feeling that’s here to stay

Don’t ask me to forget

Just hold me tonight

Chase away the dreams

Wipe away the tears

As I ride out the waves

Be my escape

Enough

Go ahead

Tell me I’m ok

And everything will be fine

Make me promises

That you can’t keep

I won’t complain

At least not to you

But the truth is

I’m not ok

And it might not be fine

That won’t stop me

I’m still living life

Trying to function

Taking it day by day

All on my own

It’s not easy

It’s really hard

I don’t want to deal

I just want to run

Let me go

I’ve had enough

Of the drama

And the bullshit

Of the yoyo

And the mixed signals

Just tell me

What you want

You have me

Without ever knowing

That you do

Don't You Get It?

I keep replaying scenes

They’re rolling through my mind

But it’s all a blur

The whole season passed me by so quickly

I wonder

What happened to the time?

Did I lose my chance?

Was I meant to have it at all?

Over and over

I replay the scenes

It’s not a movie

No, it’s my life

I know that I’m not alone

No matter how much

I feel like I am

I’m not

It just feels that way

Only sometimes

When I think about the past

And how much a part of my life you were

Now I just need to shift my priorities

There’s school and work

And maybe a little playtime

So very little time for play

I have to laugh at that

Because it used to be so easy

I just hope it’ll be easy again

Maybe one day, right?

Right.

Shifting my priorities…

My life

The way I want it

I have to make it

What I want it to be

And I’m beginning to see

Just what I need right now

I need me

With my head

All screwed on tight

And in the right place

No boy trouble

No boy crazy

Just me

And my focus

When you wake up

Don’t call me

Don’t text me

Because it’ll be too late

Don’t you get it?

I can’t wait for you

Because it’s a waste of my time

And it’s distracting me

I have a life to get back to

My dreams need my attention

My friends want me

I want me

That’s all that matters really

I care about myself

And you

Enough to move on

It’s not easy

But it has to be done

I’m sure you’d agree

If you ever knew

You don’t know though

You haven’t bothered

Barely tried really

So this is my goodbye